“I might forgive you, but I won’t forget.” “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Man oh man, I’ve heard these sayings countless times. They were part of my playbook for a long time. But I thank God for my change of heart; for the gift He gave me to be able to forgive and forget.
Forgiving someone for hurting you is a very difficult thing. There are so many emotions that come into play when faced with the challenge of forgiving. And yes, I refer to it as a challenge; which by definition according to Merriam Webster is: “to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties.” But we can rest assured that forgiving is so worth it. There is so much power in forgiving.
So many times our thoughts are that we won’t forgive because the person hasn’t apologized. They haven’t asked for forgiveness. They walk around as if they haven’t hurt us. Some things I’ve come to realize over time is that you may never get an apology for the wrong that was done and sometimes, the person really DOES NOT know they’ve hurt you. So waiting for the apology can prove to be futile. I for one, have made up my mind that if I never get an apology I’m still going to forgive and keep it moving.
The purpose of forgiving is to free you. If the offender apologizes and you forgive them, they are freed as well, but ultimately, you are the one who gets the freedom. If nothing else, you become free to go about your life without ducking and dodging the offender, because you don’t want to speak to them. You get the peace of not having to continue to dwell on the fact that the offender has not apologized. You don’t have to keep running your lines in your head (you know, what you’re going to say when they do apologize, or when you have no choice but to talk to them). Who wants that burden? I certainly don’t. You get a peaceful nights rest, because you don’t have all that extra stuff on your mind.
However, true forgiveness can’t happen without you forgetting. Forgetting is wiping everything away and starting with a clean slate. I like to think of it like using a dry erase board. You can write whatever you want on the dry erase board, wipe it off and start over. But if you don’t use the dry erase board cleanser, you can still see whatever was written previously. You can’t forget what was written on the board before. You never have a clean slate. If you say you forgive, but won’t forget, then you are constantly looking at the person through a clouded lens, a dirty dry erase board. You’re still looking at everything in the past and not truly seeing the future. You’re not seeing the potential of the peace and freedom you can have if you move forward.
Forgiving and forgetting should be applied internally as well. We make choices daily, some good and some bad. The mistakes we make help us grow and develop. We need a clean slate in order to move past those mistakes. Our mistakes are not the sum of who we are, but just components; bits and pieces.
I have forgiven myself for past mistakes. When I made those mistakes, I was doing what I knew to do. As I’ve grown, developed and matured, I’ve learned to do things differently. Just like forgiving others freed me; forgiving myself provided overwhelming freedom. I have the freedom to see my future as bright and not dim. Honestly, if I could travel back in time, I don’t know that I would change the decisions I made, because they made me who I am today. I’m glad that I forgave myself for the bad decisions I made. I gave myself a clean slate and started fresh. I see my potential.
Forgiving and Forgetting is a wonderful thing. Take the time to truly practice forgiving and forgetting.
Colossians 3:13