I can remember riding the bus as a teenager and listening to adults pour out all their problems and concerns to me, a teenager. I have not worked a job yet where there were not people who came to me to discuss their problems, both work-related and personal. What baffles me is that I have had people tell me how mean I look and how they thought I was mean until they got to know me, but yet they freely tell me their stories. I know my “resting b*^ch face” is not all warm and fuzzy, but yet it does not deter, insert shoulder shrug emoji here. Truthfully, I am loving, and kind and I am helpful and concerned for my fellow man. I am a helper and a problem solver. It is what I do. I am Olivia Pope from Scandal; Robert McCall from The Equalizer, lol. I am a social worker and I have worked in the helping profession on some level since I graduated college in 1987. I do not mind helping and actually feel like this must be part of my purpose, part of my calling, part of my ministry. I am sure there are many people who say and feel the same thing.
But right now, I am tired. I need a refreshing. I need rest. I think sometimes people get so used to a person being a rock and their support that they do not stop to wonder if that person needs support. Sure, they check in every now and then, but that may not be enough. For all of you who have been the rock, the problem solver, the sounding board, the gate keeper and any other role you have served, IT IS OKAY TO PULL BACK. You do not have to solve every problem. You do not have to always be there. Self-care is more important than you know. It is not selfish to take care of you. Release the guilty feelings that plague you when you cannot be there for someone. Because news flash, if you crash and burn, you will not be there for them anyway.
This past year has taken its toll on me, just like everyone else. I have been coping with a “panorama” (the COVID-19 Pandemic) that has changed life as I know it. I have watched people die at the hands of the people sworn to protect and serve. I have seen civil unrest. I have lost loved ones and was not able to celebrate their lives in ways I have come accustomed to. Heck, I witnessed an attempted coup of the US government, that made me feel the way I felt on that fateful day in September 2001 (can we say triggered). But despite all of this, I am healthy and whole. I believe in God and I am not apologetic for my belief system. It is this belief system that has gotten me this far and will carry me further. It is this belief system that helps me rise another day and do it all again. It is this belief system that keeps me from lying in my bed in the fetal position all day and night (the mini prevents this too, but God really is the driving force behind my drive).
Guess what? I am still tired. I have pulled back because I must take care of me. Pulling back does not mean I have stopped caring. It does not mean I am no longer loving or helpful. It does not mean that I am not concerned for my fellow man. It simply means that I have come to understand that I do not have to give all of me. It means that I have come to understand that if I do not have the capacity to give anything, it is okay. It does not make me a bad person. I will no longer feel guilty when I choose to focus on me. I will no longer feel guilty for putting myself first. It is like the flight attendants tell us, during that safety presentation that I listen to like I am hearing for the first time when I fly – if the cabin loses pressure, put your oxygen mask on first and then secure the mask on the person who needs your help.
Whew chile, I’m tired. I need a refreshing. I need rest.
Exodus 18:13-14
13 The next day, Moses took his seat to hear the people’s disputes against each other. They waited before him from morning till evening. 14When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he asked, “What are you really accomplishing here? Why are you trying to do all this alone while everyone stands around you from morning till evening?”
17 “This is not good!” Moses’ father-in-law exclaimed. 18“You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself. 19Now listen to me, and let me give you a word of advice, and may God be with you. You should continue to be the people’s representative before God, bringing their disputes to him. 20 Teach them God’s decrees, and give them his instructions. Show them how to conduct their lives.