Good Enough Parenting

Parenting is the most rewarding and most challenging thing I’ve ever done. Becoming a mom changed my life, literally.  I became a more compassionate person.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I was never Cruella de Vil, but I have to admit, that my indifference was replaced with genuine concern for everyone; not just the people in my inner circle.

I really enjoy every aspect of parenting.  I was a late bloomer when I began parenting, but I wouldn’t change anything. My younger years were focused on my education and sowing my oats.  I was selfish and lacked patience.  I’m a woman of faith and believe everything happens according to God’s timing. So when the timing was right, mom was added to my identity.

I believe my daughter is a wonderful gift from God and I pray often that God will lead and guide me, to parent her the way He sees fit.  But I have to admit there are many times when I wonder if I’m doing a good enough job. I believe my job is to prepare my daughter to navigate the world; to make decisions that are in her best interest and to be a productive citizen. I want her to advocate for herself.  I want her to be kind and accepting of people who are different from her.  I want her to be open to change and to trying new things.  I want her to grow up and be her own person; even if that person does not line up with my desires.  That last sentence is the most difficult for me (and most parents I would assume); desiring that my child will choose to be who she wants, even if I don’t agree with the choice she makes.  What I realize is that ultimately, she will make the decision to be the person she wants to be regardless of my approval.

As my “baby” has gotten older, I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that I can no longer control every aspect of her life.  She is more involved in activities outside of our little bubble.  In the past I’ve always been able to “work” things out; to “fix” things so her hurt and disappointment were minimized.  However, this summer I couldn’t “work” things out or “fix” it and my daughter had to make a choice that resulted in disappointment and hurt.  Don’t get me wrong, I realize hurt and disappointment, as well as joy and success are part of growing up, but this occurrence really brought to the forefront the question of “Am I doing a good enough job parenting?” For the first time I wasn’t able to swoop in like “Super Mom” and make things work out in her favor.  No matter how much I advocated and tried to make adjustments, it just wasn’t happening.

So midstream, I had to change direction.  I had to deal with my own disappointment in the outcome before I could really help her.  I had spent a lot of time apologizing to her for how things were shaping up, and I had to stop doing that. If I’m teaching her to make decisions that are in her best interest, I have to teach her to own those decisions and the aftermath.  I had to tell her that it was okay to be upset. I had to tell her that things aren’t always going to go her way; that sometimes no matter how hard she tries, things may not work out the way she wants them to. I had to tell her that EVERY experience leads to her growth and it’s up to her to decide what to take from those experiences.

But most importantly, I had to tell myself the same things I told her.  I had to accept that just because I can’t “fix” everything, doesn’t make me a bad parent.  I am a good enough parent.  Heck I’m the only parent I know how to be. My job is not to give my child a false sense of reality.  Things don’t always work out the way we want them to, but regardless, we have to keep moving. We have to own our decisions and the ramifications of those decisions.

Although initially she was hurt and disappointed, she ended up being very happy.  She’s entering a new chapter in her life and the choice she made helped to make for a smoother transition.

Proverbs 22:6 (NLT) “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”