Why am I still single? That’s the million dollar question. If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t still be single; would I? If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question, I would be able to buy a small island somewhere. Or at least pay off my house and get a “kinda sorta” luxury car. My usual response is, “I don’t know why I’m still single. I guess I just haven’t met the right guy.” And what follows is usually something like ‘Well, girl you better get busy trying to meet him’ or ‘Well, what are you doing to meet him?’ At which point I want to scream and say “Oh, you don’t think I’ve been trying to meet him?!!!” Instead I just smile and try to exit as quickly as I can.
Honestly, I’ve asked myself this same question more times than I can think of. I’ve discussed it with my girlfriends and neither of us have been able to come up with an answer. What we have concluded is that it DOES NOT make sense to us. Our reasoning, simply put, is that I’m actually a good catch. Yep, that’s right, I said it. I’M A GOOD CATCH. I’m educated; gainfully employed; not hard to look at; I have a good sense of humor; and I can converse fairly well. But I’m still single.
That brings me right back to square one every time. Why am I still single? I haven’t looked for a husband, because as a Christian, I believe Proverbs 18:22 when it says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” With that being said, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to find my husband, but rather he should find me.
That brings me to another question. How will my husband find me? One thing I know for certain is that he is not likely to find me at my job, my house or my church (unless he’s a visitor, because well, we’ve got a lot of married folk). Therefore, I figure I have to do something to make myself more visible, like Ruth, who was gleaning in the fields when Boaz found her. The issue is what to do? Too often, I think women feel we have to make things happen, so we go on the search for our husband. Sometimes this search leads to the wrong someone. I’ve been down that road before and I’m not interested in taking that route again.
FACTS: I spent time in a long term relationship, that should have been short term. He was a good guy and the relationship was good; but he and I didn’t want the same things for our relationship. He talked a good game, but I think mostly I heard what I wanted to hear. My closest friend often quotes a line from the song “What a Fool Believes,” a 1978 Doobie Brothers classic. The line simply says: “But what a fool believes, he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away.” Sadly, I spent too much time believing what I saw, not what was real. I believed we were headed in a direction that we simply were not. It was good while it lasted, but it lasted too long. I’ve had other relationships, that were shorter, thank goodness. I’ve also had two bona fide marriage proposals. I’m so glad I was wise enough to say “I don’t think I’m ready.” What I really wanted to say was “Uh, dude really?” I mean, I enjoyed every aspect of those relationships, but I knew I didn’t want to be married to either of them. Yikes! Then there was the “journey”, can’t call it a relationship because it never got to that stage, with a longtime friend. It was more of an exploration. An archaeological dig is what I’ll call it. We talked almost daily; got to know each other better and then nothing. It fizzled out. I have to admit I felt hurt and angry about this situation, because I opened up to someone for the first time in a long time and then nothing happened. I felt like we had a genuine connection, but yeah, no.
So what to do? I don’t really know. But in the meantime, I’m keeping myself busy LIVING. I’m most definitely not sitting around complaining and feeling bad about being single, like I used to. I’m trying to enjoy my life. I’ve identified things that are absolute deal breakers for me. I will not waste my time in a relationship that is not going where I want it to go. If the actions don’t line up with the words, I’m throwing up the deuces. During the archaeological dig stage, if he can’t make time for me, then I’m out, because we make time for what we are interested in. I’m choosing to spend this time of my life focusing on me and my relationship with God. I’m making sure I stay whole. I’m enjoying my company and loving me. I’m working on my flaws. I’m more receptive and open to exploration. I believe people come into our lives for specific reasons. I told a friend that relationships are like sifting flour for a cake. The sifting is necessary in order to have a great finished product. The relationships that didn’t work out are like the lumps of flour left in the sifter.
Why am I still single? I do not know. But what I do know is I AM A GOOD CATCH and I’m patiently waiting on God to help my husband find me.